


Who Will Save the Savior?

by NorthernGhost



Series: The NoGho DLC Files [3]
Category: Horizon: Zero Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Major Illness, Medical Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:01:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23922730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthernGhost/pseuds/NorthernGhost
Summary: Following a devastating accident at the newly-rebuilt GAIA Prime site, someone has to enter to fix it, but what happens after the job is done?  Who is the one who has to save the Savior from what they've done, and even if they do, what will be left of them?
Relationships: Aloy & GAIA (Horizon: Zero Dawn), Aloy/Talanah Khane Padish, Talanah Khane Padish & GAIA
Series: The NoGho DLC Files [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1668388
Comments: 16
Kudos: 15





	1. May Our Blood Be Spilled For the Life of This World

**Author's Note:**

> Set between the events of my series [Living Systems](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1218735) and [The Devil Lies in the West](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1593841), but is largely in reference to some events described in Chapter 3 of [The Rust](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23506558/chapters/57034177).
> 
> So yet again, if you've read those, you may find this particularly interesting, but if you're willing to roll with a few things then you could probably read this just fine on its own.
> 
> I'm back at it again with the angsty/dark chapters, so ye be warned.
> 
> Also, a good amount of influence came from the HBO show "Chernobyl" so there's that.

The sound of a constant, loud chiming rather easily roused the sleeping woman, her eyes blinking open blearily as her gaze swept the dark room for several moments before it fell on the small, softly-glowing device on the table beside the bed. The logo on the outside of the Focus seemed to pulse in time with the chiming alarm, prompting her hand to tiredly fall on top of it, dragging it off the table and lazily sliding it beside her ear as her head fell back onto the pillow.  


“What…?”  


“You must wake up now.”  


Confusion creased the woman’s face at the sound of the soft voice in her ear, usually so calm, practically shouting at her immediately.  


“GAIA, what’s wrong?”  


“She left.”  


The drowsy woman lifted her head slightly for a moment before pausing and turning to look toward the other half of the bed, only to find it empty.  


“Left where?”  


“To the mountain.”  


With a growled curse, the raven-haired woman quickly attempting to throw the blanket aside, scrambling to free herself from its grasp where it had wound around her waist. Finally, she managed to free herself and leap from the bed, the lights in the room coming on at a low level as she quickly attempted to grab her nearby clothing, throwing on the set of silks she had worn the day before.  


As she tumbled out of the bedroom and down the hallway to the living space, she started at the figure standing in the center of it, wringing her hands nervously before her.  


“Talanah—”  


“When did she leave?” the Carja woman demanded, moving to a wooden cabinet on the wall to her left and throwing open the partially open doors, only to pause as her jaw clenched at the sight of the missing equipment.  


“She must have left several hours ago.”  


“Several _hours_?!”  


Talanah whirled toward GAIA behind her, the bot the AI inhabited recoiling at her outburst as she threw her arms into the air helplessly.  


“She took herself off the network.”  


“So no one would know…” Talanah muttered before cursing loudly and beginning to grab her bow and some general travelling equipment from the cabinet.  


“Talanah, you will need more than your normal armor.”  


“What? Why?”  


“The radiation from the Prime site… if she goes in there, it will cling to her, and you will need protection, yourself…”  


The Carja woman’s teeth ground at the implication left hanging by the AI.  


Protection _from_ her.  


_From_ Aloy.  


Talanah let out another loud curse as she quickly stalked toward one of the rooms in the hallway she had left moments ago, throwing the door open and swiping her hand over the small, metal fixture attached to the wall just inside and to the right. The lights in the room flickered on as she quickly made her way toward one of the two vaguely human-shaped stands in the corner of the room, pausing as she noted that, yet again, one of them was empty.  


“She took one, herself,” Talanah muttered.  


“She knows the risk.”  


“And yet she’s there,” the Carja woman snapped, whirling toward the doorway to find that GAIA had followed her, but remained at a distance. “Why?”  


“I don’t know, child… the Prime site was built to contain such things as radiation from signals to hide it from the Swarm, but not something of this scale for period of time such as a month and—”  


“And so something had to stop it before it fully leaked out… and someone was going to have to do it,” Talanah finished.  


The raven-haired Carja’s jaw worked tensely as she whirled back to the stand, pulling the armor from it and quickly setting about securing it to her person. Once she had managed to latch the shield weaver armor about herself, she took a deep breath before tapping one of the hexagonal pieces in the center of her chest. With a sound not much unlike that of the Focus interface opening, the panels covering her torso, legs, and halfway down her arms suddenly glowed with a series of blue lights that flashed for a moment before settling back to blue, once again. Talanah flexed her hands in the strange, metal-bound gloves for a moment before sighing and turning back to GAIA.  


“Guess it’s good she made these upgrades, huh?”  


The AI simply nodded, a look of concern still on her face.  


“Where is she now, in relation to the mountain?” Talanah asked, beginning to move back toward the doorway.  


“Already there.”  


“Okay, but… did she make the climb already, or…?”  


“She is entering the Prime facility as we speak.”  


“What?!”  


The AI recoiled at the volume of Talanah’s voice, prompting the Carja woman to take a deep breath, stopping before her and placing her hands on the synthetic woman’s shoulders.  


“She has the other one of these sets of armor,” she said slowly. “How long will that protect her?”  


“Minutes, at best.”  


The raven-haired huntress hung her head for a moment before looking back up at GAIA.  


“Then I’m losing time.”  


Within minutes, she had gathered her bow and other equipment, powering down the shield weaver armor for the time being to try to save power and also to attempt to draw less attention on the streets of Meridian. Fully loaded, she glanced back to GAIA with a nod.  


“I will plot the fastest route for you,” the AI woman said. “I will also make sure a mount is waiting for you outside the bridge on the northeast side.”  


Talanah nodded, taking one last deep breath before slipping out of the apartment. The city streets were almost entirely empty as she tore through them, running as fast as she dared through them while avoiding the occasional bored patrol of Carja guards, prompting them to whirl toward her, only to lose sight as she ducked down yet another side street.  


When she finally reached the bridge out of the city, the guards on duty pulled a double take before beginning to straighten up.  


“Ma’am—”  


Before they could say anything further to her, she had torn past them, the sound of her boots pounding on the wooden surface quickly receding into the night. When she reached the end of the bridge, she slowed to a walk, panting slightly as her eyes focused on the blue, glowing light of the Strider waiting patiently for her. As she slipped beside it, she pat its neck before pulling herself up and onto its back.  


“All right, boy,” she muttered, turning it toward the trail that had suddenly lit up with a blue beam of light to the sound of her Focus activating. “Yah!”  


With that, the mount quickly broke into a gallop, tearing along the narrow, dirt trail away from the mesa and farther into the inky darkness of the desert at night. The ride didn’t require much focus to follow the path GAIA had projected for her, so it easily allowed the Carja woman’s mind to wander as her hands only gripped the Strider’s wires more tightly.  


“ _Why did she go? Why alone? Why didn’t she tell anyone?_ ”  


The Strider charged across a shallow stream, spraying droplets of cool water onto Talanah, but she simply wiped at her face with the back of one hand before urging the Strider on the trail at full speed, once again.  


“ _We talked about this. We’d be careful._ ”  


The Carja woman’s jaw clenched even tighter as the memories of their conversations in the past week passed through her head at lightning speed.  


“ _It wouldn’t be her._ ”  


Talanah’s curses were lost amongst the wind whipping by her as the Strider barreled forward, forever onward into the night. The ride to the Prime site was a good several hours at a normal speed, but even at an all-out gallop, it still could take almost two.  


“Talanah!”  


GAIA’s voice in her ear prompted her to begrudgingly slow the Strider’s pace slightly so she could attempt to hear her.  


“Aloy has left the Prime site.”  


“She’s alive?”  


“Yes.”  


“Thank the Sun…” Talanah muttered. “Is she okay?”  


“She is… not well.”  


“Not well? GAIA, what does that mean?”  


“You are on a course to intercept her. I do not think she will be able to make it back to Meridian on her own.”  


Talanah’s heart seemed to come to a complete stop for a moment as her eyes widened.  


“GAIA, she’s… she’s not _dying_ , is she?!” the Carja woman demanded.  


“Not… yet,” the AI said carefully. “She seems to be quite weak.”  


“Dammit, GAIA, she’s dying! Don’t lie to me!”  


“I am not, Talanah,” the AI replied. “The effects of radiation poisoning that she is suffering from are leaving her sick and in a weakened state, but she is not hours from dying.”  


The Carja woman wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand carefully while taking care not to throw her balance off on the back of the Strider.  


“Where is she?”  


“If you resume your previous speed, just under thirty minutes ahead.”  


With that, Talanah leaned forward, spurring her Strider on even faster, once again. What she could make out of the darkened scenery around her passed in a blur as she kept her single-minded focus on the glowing line of blue light before her, guiding the Strider along it with steady, certain motions while also refusing to allow its pace to relent.  


The sound of GAIA’s voice rang in her ear, once again, and she tried to focus on it, only to catch sight of another blue light ahead of her, prompting her to slow the Strider’s pace considerably. Within another minute or so, she brought her machine to a stop before another Strider that seemed to be standing in the middle of the trail, but no rider sat atop it.  


Talanah whirled around from her seat atop her machine, scanning the sandy ground around her franticly.  


“Aloy!”  


Finally, she tapped her Focus, bringing up the interface, properly, and using it to aid her search. The device quickly recognized her own Strider and the one before her, but her gaze was particularly drawn to the blue, person-shaped outline on the ground a few yards behind the other Strider. The Carja woman quickly slipped from her mount, racing around the other Strider toward the shape.  


Just before she reached it, however, GAIA’s voice appeared loudly in her ear.  


“Talanah, power on your armor!”  


The Carja woman skidded to a halt a few feet away from the dark form on the ground before her, the blue silhouette made of light highlighting that the figure was still alive, but not moving. With a clenched jaw, Talanah hit the metal piece on her chest, once again, bringing the actual shield around the armor to life, once again. As soon as her Focus confirmed that the armor was operating at full power, she closed the gap to the form on the ground, tapping her Focus to close its interface.  


Immediately, she made out the splayed, red hair amidst the sand and she fell to her knees beside the still form.  


“Aloy! Can you hear me?” Talanah asked frantically, reaching toward her face.  


The redhead began to stir, but her motions appeared incredibly weak. Her mouth moved but Talanah couldn’t hear what she said.  


“Dammit, Aloy… what did you do…?”  


As she carefully attempted to lift the redhead’s head and shoulders from the ground, an overly synthetic voice chimed in her ear.  


“High radiation levels detected.”  


The Carja woman held back a choked sob that came out mixed with another muttered curse as she maneuvered herself to prop Aloy’s head on her lap, running one, gloved thumb across her cheek, noting the small flecks of vomit that were still visible on and around her lips.  


“How can I bring her back to Meridian if I have to be wearing this armor to even touch her?” Talanah asked aloud, still staring down at the feebly stirring redhead. “We don’t have these for everyone.”  


“Just like with Petra and Erend before, you’ll need to dispose of the clothing that is saturated with the radioactive particles, and she will likely need a thorough decontamination and cleansing.”  


Talanah’s lower lip quivered slightly as she stared down at the reddened face before her, Aloy’s eyes half-open as her gaze seemed unfocused.  


“You’re going to be okay…” she said softly, running her thumb over the redhead’s cheek before taking a deep breath and shifting her, propping her into a seated position before standing before her and taking both of her wrists. “Aloy, can you hear me?”  


The redhead nodded slowly, her gaze still unfocused as she attempted to look up at Talanah.  


“We’re going to get you on your feet, and we’re going to get you home.”  


“Home?”  


“Yes. Now, help me out here at least somewhat, okay?”  


Aloy nodded dumbly as the Carja woman shifted her position, once again.  


“Okay… one… two… three!”  


With that, she pulled on Aloy’s wrists, managing to lift her from the sand and mostly onto her feet as the redhead staggered and ran into her. Talanah released her hold on the redhead’s arms to quickly wrap one of her own behind Aloy’s back, gripping her tightly to hold her upright. Slowly, she was able to guide her back to the Strider, where she attempted to simply help her onto its back, but it quickly became apparent that she was not going to be able to lift anything close to her own weight.  


With a sigh of frustration, Talanah wrapped her arms around the redhead’s waist and lifted her upward, nearly throwing her atop the Strider with a loud grunt. Once she was sure that the redhead wouldn’t move, she made pulled herself atop it, as well, positioning Aloys’s form before her, although the redhead remained almost entirely still  


“How long does she have, GAIA?”  


A pause followed Talanah’s question for several moments before the AI spoke, once again.  


“She will need a dose of concentrated iodine solution within the next few hours.”  


“Is that even enough time to get back to Meridian?”  


“Just barely.”  


With a loud curse, Talanah spurred her Strider onward, racing along the trail she had followed to reach the redhead. The blue line of light appeared before her, once again, guiding her through the darkness of the now pre-dawn, the sky just above the horizon beginning to turn a pale grey, although the ground still remained shrouded in an inky blackness.  


The Carja woman’s position bent forward over the machine to allow for faster riding allowed her to hold Aloy in place as best she could, the weight from her torso as well as one hand helped ensure she didn’t suddenly slide off to either side. Muttered curses continued to leave her lips as she urged the Strider forward, the miles and the sights quickly slipping by her.  


As the light in the sky had begun to break into the brilliant golds, orangs, and pinks of dawn, she caught sight of the silhouettes of buildings atop a distant mesa, and she doubled down on her pace, refusing to let the Strider relent. Within the next hour, she turned the machine onto the bridge into Meridian, prompting a chorus of surprised shouts from the Carja guards as they dove out of the way. Several merchants and hunters who were beginning to make their way in and out of the city for their early morning runs also dove out of the way of the charging machine.  


When she finally reached the opposite side of the bridge, Talanah was forced to slow her pace as the line of Carja guards debated whether they should attempt to stop her for a moment before noticing the rider and her cargo and quickly moving aside. The streets were thankfully still almost entirely empty as Talanah guided the Strider through them, narrowly avoiding tipping over several merchant stalls in the process, but she finally brought it to a stop at the bridge to the palace.  


Despite the guards at the entrance to the city, the mixture of Carja and Oseram guards here did not relent, although they did show concern as they noted the Carja woman sliding off the machine.  


“By the sun, Minister…”  


“I need to get her to the infirmary,” Talanah rasped. “Get out of the way, she’s… she’s contagious.”  


The guards’ eyes widened as they quickly moved aside, giving her a wide berth as she threw the nearly unconscious redhead’s arm over her shoulders and began to drag her onto the bridge, itself. An overly synthetic voice suddenly croaked in her ear as she reached the halfway mark.  


“Shield integrity at seventy percent. Battery life at twenty percent.”  


“Come on…”  


When Talanah finally reached the dais at the end of the bridge, the guards on duty pulled double takes before moving to assist her, only for the Carja woman to wave them off.  


“Stay back! Stay back!”  


They both hesitated before slowly backing away, as she commanded. With one hand, she was able to wrench the door ahead of her open, dragging Aloy’s limp form into the darkened hallways inside the palace, itself. The path up and down series of stairs proved more difficult than she had expected, and she nearly dropped the redhead several times, but she managed to hold her grip at the last second.  


Finally, she reached the hallway that she knew marked the entrance to the infirmary and began to move along the series of doors to her right, glancing at each successive hopes of finding an open one. Just as she neared the end of the row, and she was afraid that there were no vacancies, she spotted an open door ahead and made directly for it.  


As she went to turn into it, however, a figure appeared in the opening, only to jump back with a yelp of surprise as Talanah nearly barreled into her. A moment or two later, the healer’s eyes sparked with recognition at the sight of Talanah, only for her expression to darken into concern when she noted her charge.  


“What happened to her?”  


“Move, Janna,” Talanah commanded, shooing her aside with one hand.  


The healer did as she asked and the Carja woman dragged her precious cargo into the room, glancing around to find that it was truly empty.  


“You’re both wearing that light-armor,” Janna observed.  


“Need to,” Talanah grunted, carefully laying Aloy on the ground a few feet from the bed.  


“Why?”  


The Carja woman paused, kneeling beside the redhead and breathing heavily for a moment or two before looking back up at the healer.  


“She went into the mountain… where Petra was.”  


Janna’s jaw set firmly as a look of recognition passed over her face and she nodded.  


“I’ll bring the solution,” she said, suddenly rushing from the room and slamming the door behind her.  


With a heavy sigh, Talanah turned back to the redhead on the ground before her, her throat constricting at the sight of her half-lidded eyes and feeble motions, dark circles already forming on the skin above her cheekbones.  


“Dammit, Aloy…”  


Talanah set to quick work removing the redhead’s armor, noting how it no longer glowed with signs of energy. When she was finally able to remove the metal portions, she tossed them toward the far wall, where they clattered into a heap. Turning back to the redhead, once again, Talanah heaved a heavy sigh.  


“I know this is usually supposed to be the fun part…” she quipped, laughing dryly as she set to work undoing the tunic Aloy had worn beneath her armor.  


After a minute or so, she was able to lift it over her head, throwing it with her armor. Just as she set to work on the other, tighter leather tunic underneath, the door to the room opened once again and she paused, glancing back to find Janna stepping inside, a wooden bucket held in her hands. Talanah also noted that she now wore a cloth mask over her mouth and nose, along with a thick pair of leather gloves and an apron that looked more like something an Oseram sparkworker would wear.  


“Here,” she said, placing the bucket by the bed and reaching into a pocket on the apron to produce a small vial of dark, amber liquid. “She needs to drink this.”  


Talanah took it from her, sighing as she turned back to Aloy.  


“Hey, Aloy, you hear me?” she said softly, moving beside her hear and tapping her cheek lightly. “It’s time for my favorite game.”  


The redhead stirred, her eyes opening slightly more than they had so far and seemingly fixing on the Carja woman as she swallowed heavily, uncorking the vial.  


“Bottoms up.”  


She lifted her head from the ground gingerly as she held the vial to her lips, Aloy seemingly parting them ever so slightly just before the Carja woman tipped it back, carefully draining the liquid into her mouth. Almost immediately, Aloy squeezed her lips closed, shaking her head and prompting Talanah to pull the vial away quickly.  


“I know it tastes awful, but you need to drink all of it.”  


The redhead paused for a moment, forcefully swallowing before nodding. Talanah began to pour it into her mouth once again, and although the redhead’s eyes had squeezed shut tightly and the Carja woman could see how tense her body had become, she didn’t try to stop her until she had managed to swallow the last drops of the liquid.  


“There you go,” Talanah sighed, handing the vial back to Janna. “You’ve been holding out on me.”  


Aloy kept her eyes closed for a moment or two longer before letting out a heavy sigh, her body going almost entirely limp, once again.  


“So you know what comes after drinking…”  


Talanah continued with her job of undoing the redhead’s undergarments, eventually managing to remove her leather tunic and leggings with Janna’s assistance. Finally, with the clothing thrown into a pile in the corner, Janna brought the bucket around the corner of the bed and placed it beside Aloy.  


“We’ll need to scrub her down a bit,” the healer said. “After—after the others were in them, we had to get rid of every sheet, every cloth they touched, and it won’t do her any good to stew in that for now.”  


“With just water?” Talanah asked, glancing at the bucket dubiously.  


“Mixed with some cleaning solution that she and GAIA were able to provide,” Janna replied, nodding toward Aloy.  


The raven-haired Carja sighed, but nodded, accepting a cloth from Janna before dipping it into the liquid. Both women quickly set about scrubbing at the redhead’s skin, particularly the portions that were redder, which seemed to be concentrated on her face, neck, and hands. The redhead attempted to turn her face away from the vigorous scrubbing, but Talanah quickly held her in place by her chin, using her free hand to continue to scrub at her as Janna had described. Finally, when Talanah wasn’t sure if Aloy’s skin was red from their efforts or the exposure, and her hair had been thoroughly soaked and rinsed several times, they carefully lifted her into the bed, pulling the sheets over her.  


“Is there anything else we can do for her right now?” Talanah sighed, straightening up at the bedside and turning to Janna.  


“From my experience, monitor her condition to see how it worsens,” the healer sighed, running the back of one hand over her forehead.  


“ _How_ and not _if_?”  


“Talanah, you know as well as I do…”  


The raven-haired huntress closed her eyes tightly, nodding.  


“We should dispose of her clothing,” Janna continued, prompting Talanah to open her eyes, once again. “It won’t be safe to leave it here for long.”  


With that, the two women dumped what clothing they could in the bucket of water, as well, before Talanah gathered the remaining portions, mainly the leather portions that hadn’t been part of the shield weaver armor, and began to follow Janna out of the room. She gave one last, lingering glance toward Aloy, the redhead mostly still, although she could just make out how she writhed slightly under the plain, white sheets, her eyes squeezed firmly shut.  


“We’ll be back,” Janna said, tugging on Talanah’s arm to get her to follow.  


“GAIA?”  


“I can attempt to monitor her condition for the moment,” the AI replied. “She is not in an immediate danger, for the moment. We will have time to regroup and devise a plan.”  


The raven-haired huntress nodded, finally turning to follow Janna out of the room. After disposing of the clothing into a locked chest that GAIA then instructed them to leave on an open balcony on the edge of the palace, the two women began to retreat into the sandstone building, once again, just as the bleating call of a Glinthawk drew both of their attentions. Talanah quickly tensed, half-reaching for her bow only to note that the machine’s eyes remained blue as it swooped toward the balcony. Slowly, her hand fell away from her weapon as the machine banked toward them, grabbing the box and dragging it back into the air, once again.  


“That… did you make it do that?” Janna asked.  


Talanah sighed, shaking her head.  


“Our benevolent friend.”  


Immediately upon entering the palace, once again, Talanah said that she would return to Aloy’s room, although Janna tried to reason that she should inform someone of the events that led to Aloy being in such a state. The raven-haired huntress clearly wanted to say no, but didn’t come up with an argument, immediately, eventually leaving Janna room to sigh, shaking her head as she gently placed a hand on her upper arm.  


“I’ll be around to check on Aloy every hour into the night,” she said. “I’ll hold off on telling anyone until the morning.”  


Talanah offered a small smile and a nod in thanks before returning to the redhead’s room, Janna continuing on part of her normal rounds. The dark-haired Carja paused just outside the infirmary room’s door, her hand resting on the handle as she took a deep breath, hanging her head slightly before quietly pushing it open and slipping inside.  


The room and the redhead inside it were just as they had left them minutes ago, although Aloy had fallen noticeably stiller. Talanah glanced around before grabbing a stool from a side of the room closer to a cabinet and a small table covered in various kinds of medical supplies, carefully placing it at the bedside before taking a seat on it.  


She remained still for a moment or two, her hands resting on her knees as she stared blankly at the redhead before her, noting how her face appeared perhaps even redder than before.  


“ _Like a bad sunburn._ ”  


Talanah’s head hung as she began to tug the gloves of her armor off, pausing a moment later to glance back up, tapping her Focus.  


“Radiation levels are greatly reduced,” GAIA’s voice chimed in her ear, “but not gone.”  


“So… I still can’t touch her?”  


“I…” the AI paused, her tone uncharacteristically hesitant. “I would not recommend it.”  


Talanah’s jaw clenched tightly as she tugged the hem of the glove back toward her wrist, the corners of her eyes beginning to burn as she closed them tightly, bowing her head.  


“Is there any way to fix that?”  


“Once we have confirmed she is stable, we will need to get her to a location that can accommodate further treatment.”  


Talanah fell silent for several long moments before breathing deeply.  


“And where would that be?”  


“I am currently researching some of the nearby cauldrons that we have brought back onto my network.”  


“She’s not a machine, GAIA!” Talanah snapped, her head whipping up to stare at the redhead before her, once again, her chest heaving.  


“I understand, child, but the tools we will need to save her after such an incredible dose of radiation will not be found in a place like Meridian.”  


“All these years of progress and teaching people and building new things and… what? Nothing here can save her?” Talanah spat.  


“Talanah, I am trying to save her life.”  


The intensity of the AI’s tone immediately cut through the blaze that had consumed Talanah’s chest and mind, instantly extinguishing the flames as she slumped in her seat, once again, holding her hands over her face as she shook her head slowly.  


“I’m sorry…”  


“I understand your frustration and your concern,” GAIA continued, much softer, now. “I want you to know that everything I am considering is in her best interest.”  


“ _Even if it means taking her away from me._ ”  


Talanah clenched her jaw to hold in her thought.  


There was no need to antagonize GAIA.  


It was a childish response.  


The raven-haired huntress took a deep breath, letting her hands fall away from her face as she wiped at her eyes, simultaneously, the strange, somewhat rough fabric of the gloves scraping at the wet skin on her cheeks as she did.  


“How long until you’ll know if she’s stable?” she asked.  


“I will want to give her at least several hours. Janna and you will need to make sure she takes more of the solution.”  


Talanah nodded slowly before pausing, her gaze vacant as she stared at the blurry, white mass of sheets before her.  


“GAIA… Janna only said she’ll get worse… why are you saying she’ll stabilize?”  


Silence followed her question as Talanah blinked, the world returning to focus before her.  


“GAIA, is Janna wrong?”  


“She is not, Talanah.”  


The Carja’s pulse began to quicken as her hands tightened into fists on her legs.  


“Then why are we waiting?”  


Silence followed for several long moments before Talanah began to feel herself rising from her stool.  


“GAIA, answer me.”  


“Because I am trying to find a solution, and I do not have an immediate one.”  


“You’re just… stalling?!”  


“What you are doing for is better than simply doing nothing,” the AI retorted.  


“But it’s not helping, is what you’re saying!” Talanah snapped.  


Suddenly, the projection of GAIA’s image appeared on the opposite side of the bed, her dress seemingly a constantly shifting mixture of reds and blues.  


“It has only been just over a month since the incident, and a week or so less since we truly developed an actual treatment to the sickness caused by exposure to such high radiation,” the AI said, wringing her hands before her as she glanced from Aloy to Talanah. “I was not prepared for another such situation, yet. We were not prepared.”  


“But she’s been treating Erend,” Talanah shot back. “That wasn’t preparation?”  


“He was not exposed to as great of a dose,” GAIA replied, shaking her head. “He did not enter the Prime site, but simply retrieved Petra from near it, after she attempted to leave, herself.”  


“Then why would she even go?!” Talanah demanded, gesturing angrily to Aloy before instantly freezing, the color draining from her face as she slowly turned to look down at the still form of the redhead, the telltale signs of her chest rising and falling just enough to show she was still breathing. “She didn’t think she’d come back…”  


“I… cannot say that is true,” GAIA replied.  


“But you can’t deny it.”  


A moment’s pause followed before GAIA responded.  


“No, I cannot deny it, either.”  


Talanah’s lower lip quivered for a moment before she quickly bit down on it, tasting the faint hints of something metallic in her mouth before she let out a sound somewhere between a growl of frustration and a sob.  


“Dammit!” she managed, staggering around the end of the bed before her knees gave out and she fell to a seated position against it, her back pressed against the wooden portion at the foot. “She… she couldn’t have thought that!”  


Talanah began to shake her head before she pulled her knees in close to her, burying her face against them. A few moments later, the sound of the door opening before her caused her head to whip up, only for confusion to crease her face when she saw the image of GAIA in the doorway, once again. Realization quickly settled over her as she noted this image didn’t carry the colored hue from the Focus projection, and she allowed her head to lean forward, once again, obscuring her vision.  


A moment later, she felt GAIA’s presence appear at her side, the bot-woman gently laying a hand in the center of her back. The touch of the bot was still not entirely soft or warm to the touch, like a human, but it wasn’t entirely cold and unfeeling, either. Still, it prompted Talanah to lift her head slightly, turning to look over at her.  


“She couldn’t have thought that… right?” she croaked, her voice barely louder than a whisper.  


GAIA offered a small smile as her hand gently rubbed across the Carja’s back slowly.  


“We won’t know until we can ask her.”  


“But you said—”  


“And I also said I was doing everything I could in her best interest,” she interrupted.  


“ _Because Aloy didn’t._ ”  


Talanah fell silent as she leaned her face into her knees, once again, wrapping her arms tightly around them, as well.  


“I will stay with you here until I have an answer.”  


Talanah made a sniffling sound, but refused to lift her head.  


“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, you read that chapter counter right.
> 
> It's a 3-parter.
> 
> Stay tuned.


	2. May Our Suffering Sing the Hymns We Couldn't Hear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just gonna ratchet the angst and feels up to 11, don't mind me.

The Carja woman found herself blinking away fatigue as she lifted her head, immediately groaning at the feeling of stiffness that had settled into her body, particularly across her shoulders. As she began to stir, twisting and contorting her back and neck to try to free the tight feeling, she paused, confusion creasing her face.  


She didn’t remember falling asleep, but she also distinctly did not remember having done so in the other bed in the infirmary room.  


Talanah quickly sat bolt upright, glancing toward the windows to her left to find the first hints of the morning sunrise pouring through them, casting brilliant golds and oranges about the room. Her head quickly whirled toward the other bed in the room, only for her eyes to widen and her pulse to skyrocket when she found it empty.  


She leapt from the bed, tapping the Focus beside her ear as she scrambled to the bedside, glancing down at the unmade sheets and the area immediately around it for any signs or clues of the redhead that had previously occupied it, but she could not immediately find any.  


“GAIA?” she asked, her voice shaking and cracking slightly both from just waking up and the rising panic in her chest.  


A moment of tense silence passed before the AI’s calm tone appeared in her ear.  


“Yes, Talanah?”  


“Where’s Aloy?!”  


“I was able to secure a process to treat her,” she explained. “She was therefore required to be moved as soon as possible.”  


“Why didn’t you wake me up?!”  


“She was required to be transported by means which you could not also be. I did not want to—”  


“You didn’t want to tell me so I wouldn’t argue about going with her!”  


Talanah slammed her fist on the bed before her, jaw clenched as she felt the inferno in her chest ignite, quickly spreading throughout her entire body as she began to noticeably shake.  


“I apologize, I did not want to—”  


“Fuck you, GAIA!”  


The Carja gripped the sheets on the bed, ripping them from the fixture with one, swift motion, before whirling to throw them as hard as she could across the room.  


“Talanah, I—”  


“Shut up!”  


The Carja grabbed a nearby bedside table, easily lifting it and swinging to hurl it at the far wall, the resulting bang and splintering of wood loud enough that it could have easily woken anyone in the nearby rooms.  


“Child—”  


“I don’t want to hear your _fucking_ apology!” Talanah growled. “Tell me where you took her, now!”  


An intensely silent moment passed before GAIA replied.  


“It is called Cauldron Rho and it is east of Meridian.”  


“Show me where it is. I’m on my way.’  


“Talanah, the process will not be something you can help with—”  


“I don’t care. She doesn’t get to go through—whatever hell she is right now alone,” the Carja snapped, already beginning to storm toward the door out of the infirmary room.  


The AI didn’t respond for several long moments, allowing enough time for Talanah to wrench the door open and storm into the hallway beyond, nearly running into two healers who appeared to be hovering nervously outside. The Carja muttered a half-hearted apology before continuing on her way toward the exit for the infirmary wing.  


“I have plotted the location on your Focus.”  


“I want you to tell me it, out loud, too,” Talanah demanded. “Just in case.”  


The AI fell silent for several moments, once again, before responding, her tone much more defeated than before.  


“It is east of Meridian, approximately one mile south of the Daytower fort.”  


Talanah quickly tapped her Focus, ending the communication as she made her way through the Palace, eventually exiting onto the bridge to the rest of Meridian, where she broke into a run, unable to continue even at her fast walking pace. Once again, the line of guards at the far end saw her coming and, upon recognizing the charging figure, stepped aside. The Strider from the night before was gone, so she continued at a run through the city streets until she was tearing across the bridge that connected the mesa to the raised terrain north of the city.  


As she came to a stop on the ground just past the bridge, she glanced around, but didn’t see any signs of Striders there, either. With a muttered curse under her breath, she began to set off to the east, regardless. Just as she was about to set down a cliff-side trail, the sound of a heavy pounding came from her left and she skidded to a stop, glancing toward the top of a small hill in the nearby trail, only to find a Strider galloping toward her, slowing to a stop several yards away.  


“You do not have to walk.”  


Talanah’s jaw clenched for a moment, but she still adjusted course toward the Strider, climbing aboard its back with a grunt. As soon as she was settled in place, she got her bearings with the directions GAIA had give her, while the familiar yellow diamond appeared overlaid over the horizon in the distance. With a deep breath, she squeezed the sides of the machine, spurring it onward as she gripped its wires tightly, leaning into the wind just enough to not feeling like she was about to be ripped off the machine’s back, but not enough that she was worried about smashing her face into the machine’s neck.  


The ride from Meridian to the base of the path that led up to Daytower passed simultaneously in the blink of an eye, while feeling like it should have been an entire day. When the Carja woman finally slowed her Strider to a momentary stop, she glanced along the path that she knew eventually wound to the Carja border fort, however her gaze quickly turned to her right, following a much less-travelled path along the mountain range, heading farther south.  


With a heavy sigh, she began to guide the machine along the path, following it until the trail seemed to disappear into the desert sands, entirely, but she pressed onward, scanning the mountainside and the ground before it for signs of the Cauldron GAIA had mentioned. Finally, as she rounded a curve in the steeply sloping rock to her left, she brought the machine to a sudden stop. An enormous, triangular door was set into the side of the mountain before her, recessed several yards into the rock, itself.  


“Must be it,” the Carja muttered, guiding her Strider toward the site.  


As she a small chasm between the ground outside the cauldron and the door, itself, a strange module protruding from the ground on the opposite side suddenly turned from orange to blue, prompting a series of what seemed to be glowing blue wires to suddenly shoot from the far side of the chasm, snaking through the air, before connecting to the ground on the opposite side.  


Talanah stared down at the glowing bridge for a moment before taking a deep breath and sliding from her mount, cautiously stepping onto the glowing wires. After a moment or two and they hadn’t immediately collapsed, she quickly jogged across it, hopping onto the rocky surface on the far side with a sigh of relief.  


Just as she did, the sound of groaning and sliding metal drew her attention to the triangular door beside her. A moment later, it began to slide open, each side of its shape drawing into the mountain around it. Talanah swallowed forcefully before squaring her jaw and walking toward the opening, one hand held loosely over the bowstring across her chest.  


Once inside the doorway, she found herself in a large, open room, but there didn’t appear to be any way forward. Panic began to set in as fears that she had been tricked began to run through her mind, and she whirled toward the main doorway, only to find it beginning to close. She tore toward the opening, but skidded to a halt just before it as she realized the gap was too small, already, for her to safely make it through.  


With a muttered curse, she whirled around, drawing her bow and nocking an arrow to it immediately, her eyes scanning the room for some kind of machine closing in on her. Nothing had changed, however, but she remained where she was, listening intently. When GAIA’s voice finally chimed in her ear, she jumped nearly a foot in the air.  


“Please step forward, Talanah.”  


“Why? What’ll happen then?”  


“You will be on the elevator.”  


Confusion creased her face for a moment before she glanced down at her feet, finding that there was a distinctly circular design set in the floor, which started a yard or so before her. Tentatively, she moved forward, the echoes of her boots on the metal floor ringing about her. Once she had taken several steps into the circular portion, the floor suddenly jerked slightly and she staggered forward, quickly lifting her bow and whirling around, only to slowly lower it as she saw the walls seeming sliding upward around her.  


Talanah swallowed nervously, but kept her bow at the ready as she watched the platform descend until she found the walls giving way to a cavernous space, lit by a blue light not unlike that of the machines. She carefully moved closer to the edge of the platform, glancing around at the ground below her and noting several moving shapes at the bottom, prompting her to redouble her grip on her bow.  


“This Cauldron has been integrated into my network,” GAIA chimed in. “Its machines will not attack you.”  


The Carja’s jaw worked tensely, but she otherwise remained silent as the elevator platform reached the ground. She immediately locked eyes with a Watcher that appeared to be waiting curiously before her, but its eye remained blue and calm as it instead chirped and seemed to indicate for her to follow it. Confusion gripped her as she watched it began to walk away, only for the machine to stop and glance back, moving its head almost as if to wave her on.  


“ _This is too strange._ ”  


Hesitantly, she began to follow after the machine, still keeping her bow lowered, but at the ready. As they approached a section of the wall ahead of them, it suddenly seemed to slide open, revealing a narrow, triangular hallway that glowed with an ominous, deep blue light. Talanah’s grip redoubled on her bow as she entered after the Watcher, continuing to follow it farther into the Cauldron.  


The hallway soon gave way to much larger ones, with every surface seemingly made of angular pieces of metal, all of which glowed with faint blue lines. The air, itself, seemed to be filled with an odd thrumming that vibrated the Carja to her core, sending a shiver down her spine, but she remained in step behind the machine.  


After winding their way through several of the massive, angular hallways, passing other Watchers and even a few Shell-Walkers that only spared them a passing glance, the machine finally turned into another, narrow hallway. This time, Talanah noted how the floor seemed to be lined with enormous metal cables that all glowed with a similar blue light, flashing occasionally pulsating and shooting past her, farther down the hallway.  


Swallowing the heavy lump in her throat, she pressed onward, barely able to see the Watcher, itself, but the sounds of its heavy, clanging footsteps on the metal floor told her it was still continuing onward. Finally, they took a turn in the hallway and Talanah caught sight of a much brighter light up ahead, just through a triangular doorway, it seemed. She squinted slightly at the sudden change of brightness, but as she did, she quickly began to realize that a darker shape sat amidst the light, and her heart began to race.  


A moment later, she had taken off at a run, slipping past the Watcher to a confused chirp from it. As she broke free of the hallway, she made for the glowing shape in the center of the space before skidding to a stop a yard or so away from it.  


The light was coming from some kind of shield, not unlike that of the armor wore, but it formed a dome over a flat, metal platform. The surface of it glowed a bright white, and amidst it all lay Aloy. Talanah quickly noted that GAIA appeared to have dressed her in simple, white clothing from the infirmary, but that combined with all of the light reflecting off her skin only served to highlight how red the exposed sections were. The Carja’s breath hitched as she tentatively began to move closer, raising one hand toward the glowing field around the platform.  


“I would not recommend touching that.”  


Talanah came to a sudden stop, her hand inches away from the softly pulsating surface of the shield.  


“Why not?”  


“It will deliver quite an unpleasant electric shock.”  


The Carja’s teeth ground as her hand curled into a fist, pulling away from the shield.  


“Is this another way to keep me away from her?”  


“No, it is part of the healing process, however I am simply informing you so that you are not injured, as well,” GAIA explained.  


Talanah laughed dryly, shaking her head as she took a step back from the platform, holding her bow loosely at her side.  


“Guess I don’t have much of a choice.”  


“Talanah, I deeply apologize—”  


“And I already said I don’t want to hear it!” she barked, interrupting the AI. “Now, what are you doing to her?”  


A moment’s pause followed before the AI replied.  


“I have been able to work with the reinstated HEPHAESTUS system to reconfigure some modules of its machine production to use as a form radiation therapy.”  


“What… does any of that actually mean?”  


“It means that I am able to use some of HEPHAESTUS’s tools to attempt to neutralize the radiation in Aloy’s body by using very targeted and specific doses of a different form of radiation.”  


Talanah’s mouth went dry as she cleared her throat nervously.  


“You’re… using more radiation on her… to try to rid her of the original radiation?”  


“In a very basic sense, yes, but—”  


“That just sounds like it’ll kill her faster!”  


“I assure you, it will not,” GAIA retorted.  


“And I just have to trust you,” Talanah spat, pacing angrily as she gestured toward the shield around the still form of the redhead within it, “because you’ve conveniently locked her inside a shield I can’t get past.”  


“It is for the safety of both of you.”  


“For _my_ safety?” Talanah scoffed. “Now I know you’re just making this up—”  


“Talanah, I am not lying to you, or fabricating truths to spite you!”  


The intensity of the AI’s tone prompted the Carja woman to pause, her gaze falling on the image of the AI woman that had suddenly materialized beside the shielded platform, her dress a bright vermilion as Talanah took in the expression on her face, more intense than she had ever seen from her before.  


“Everything I am doing is to try to save her!” the AI continued, her projection gesturing to Aloy beside her. “I love and care for her as family, just as I do you.”  


“Family? What do you know about family?” Talanah spat.  


The projection of the AI stared back at her with a hard glare.  


“I learned from Elisabet what it meant to care for another,” she said quietly, but with as much intensity as Talanah’s yelling. “I learned how to feel empathy and sorrow, and that I would do anything to prevent losing someone else that I cared for again.”  


The Carja woman stared back at the projection as GAIA’s image seemed to maintain eye contact with her.  


“I know that you understand that feeling, as well, and I do not want you to relive it, now.”  


Talanah’s jaw clenched tightly as she finally forced herself to break eye contact, turning to look at the redhead on the platform beside the AI’s projection.  


“I know you do not wish to hear it, but I apologize for acting rashly and without consulting you, or informing you, however I was doing so because… I am scared, as well.”  


The Carja woman paused for a moment before slowly turning her gaze back to the AI to find an expression that seemed all too familiar. It was one that she could only assume had contorted her features the previous night. It was somewhere between fear and helplessness, and on the verge of crying. Finally, Talanah swallowed the heavy lump in her throat, hanging her head as she slowly twisted her bow in her left hand.  


“Have you started that… stuff, yet?”  


The AI remained silent for several moments before the projection shook her head.  


“Not yet,” she replied. “I wanted to ensure that the containment field worked, first and… and then that you were here.”  


Talanah nodded, remaining silent as she kept her gaze focused on the redhead under the blue shield, Aloy noticeable stirring slightly as the raven-haired Carja noted her hands clenching into weak fists.  


“Will it hurt her?”  


“I hope it does not, but… I am unable to be certain,” GAIA said softly. “I do not have anecdotal patient records from before, but—”  


“GAIA, just… if it’s the only thing that will save her… do it.”  


The AI fell silent as Talanah turned toward her projection, her jaw clenched as she felt the corners of her eyes stinging slightly.  


“She’s lived through pain… I just want her to _live_ , right now.”  


The AI paused for a moment before nodding.  


“I will begin shortly.”  


“Can… can I stay… during?”  


The AI nodded.  


“The shield should prevent the radiation from reaching you.”  


Talanah swallowed nervously, nodding as she turned her gaze back to the redhead on the platform before her.  


“Beginning procedure in five… four… three… two… one…”

  


  


Talanah found herself blinking away sleep as something shook her, the raven-haired Carja quickly focusing on the blurry image over her until it focused to reveal Janna.  


“She’s awake,” the healer said softly.  


Talanah stared back at her for a moment or two in silence before her eyes widened and she quickly scrambled to sit upright, glancing past the other woman toward the bed across from the one she had appropriated. She barely comprehended the shape of the figure under the white sheets, but motion immediately drew her eyes and she clambered out of her bed, wiping at her eyes fiercely for a moment before slipping past the healer and approaching the opposite bedside.  


As she came to a stop, Aloy’s head turned toward her, a small, almost sleepy smile tugging at her lips.  


“Tal…” she rasped.  


“Yeah, i-it’s me,” she stammered, hesitating for a moment before tentatively reaching toward her left hand.  


As her fingers slid under the redhead’s she felt Aloy’s feebly curl around hers, sending a shiver down Talanah’s spine.  


“She appears to have stabilized,” Janna explained, appearing on the other side of the bed. “I still don’t understand entirely how it happened, but…”  


Talanah glanced up at her, smiling slightly and nodding. The healer woman sighed, glancing between the two of them before turning toward the door.  


“I’ll give you two a moment.”  


With that, she slipped out of the infirmary room, her footsteps quickly receding in the hallway outside. Talanah stared at the foot of the bed for a moment before heaving a heavy sigh, turning her attention back to Aloy’s face to find that she was still looking up at her with a small smile, but something in her eyes betrayed there was something other than happiness beneath it.  


“I’m… alive…” the redhead croaked.  


Talanah let out a sound that was intended to be a laugh, but it came out much more like a sob, prompting her to clench her jaw tightly for a moment, her hand gently squeezing Aloy’s as she nodded.  


“Yeah… just barely…”  


When Talanah finally looked back up at her face, she saw how watery and red Aloy’s eyes had become.  


“I…” she managed, but trailed off.  


“I know.”  


The redhead closed her eyes, the last hints of the smile fading from her lips as the Carja caught the tears finally falling down her cheeks. A moment later, Talanah joined her, taking a seat on the edge of the bed as squeezed her eyes shut tightly against the burning sensation that began in the corners of them. After a moment or two, she took a deep breath, opening them, once again to find Aloy had turned her head away, the tears clearly still flowing.  


“Aloy… look at me.”  


The redhead remained silent for several moments, prompting Talanah to squeeze her hand.  


“ _Please._ ”  


Finally, Aloy complied, rolling her head back toward the Carja, her eyes incredibly red and watery.  


“You… thought…” she managed, her voice now much more tight and constricted than groggy or raspy.  


“What was I—?” Talanah began, her tone immediately heated, but she forced herself to pause, taking a deep breath in through her nose as she lifted the redhead’s hand from the bed, shaking her arm slightly. “What was I supposed to think?”  


The Carja’s voice cracked as she spoke, her head bowing slightly as her gaze focused on the hand in hers, the skin still rather red, but not quite violently so, anymore.  


“I woke up… and you were gone.”  


The hand in her grasp feebly attempted to curl around hers, and she sighed, returning the gesture for a moment before looking back up at her.  


“I… I knew… if I talked to you…”  


“I’d convince you not to?” Talanah spat, clenching her jaw at the words that had forced their way out of her.  


Aloy stared back at her for a moment before nodding slowly.  


“Then why’d you go?!” the Carja demanded, her voice fully cracking as a feeling somewhere between a sob and a cry of rage tried to escape her chest. “Why’d you have to be…”  


“Her?”  


Talanah shook her head, focusing her gaze on the gold-green that stared back at her.  


“Why’d you have to be _you_ … the _you_ that everyone else expects you to be…? Everyone except… me.”  


Aloy closed her eyes, attempting to pull her hand away from Talanah’s, but she held fast with just enough pressure to stop her, but not enough to hurt her.  


“I don’t care if you’re some… savior, some… hero,” the Carja said. “You’ve saved my life before, and I am always grateful, but I don’t _need_ you to be that all the time… I don’t _want_ you to be that all the time…”  


“Then what am I supposed to be?” Aloy managed, the gaze focusing back on Talanah’s the clearest and most intense it had been since waking.  


The Carja stared back at her for several long moments before raising her other hand, taking the redhead’s in both of hers.  


“Aloy,” she said softly. “Be… Aloy.”  


The redhead stared back at her for several long moments before she closed her eyes, attempting to pull her hand from Talanah’s, once again. The Carja finally let it go, a wide, empty feeling opening in her chest as the redhead’s fingers slid from her grasp.  


“I don’t even know—”  


“Dammit, Aloy, yes you do!”  


The redhead recoiled at Talanah’s voice, which had instantly leapt to a shouting volume as the empty space in her chest quickly filled with the inferno of a thousand blazing suns, the Carja rising from her seat on the edge of the bed.  


“You’ve known every night we’ve slept in that bed for… what, eight years?!” Talanah continued, her voice echoing off the stone walls of the infirmary room. “You’ve known every time we’ve joked and laughed about the future. You’ve known every time you’ve dragged me, hungover and wishing for death, to see the sunrise. You’ve known every time I’ve dragged you to some celebration and come running to find you the second I didn’t have to be talking to someone else. You’ve known every year when we’ve gone to the Day of Mourning ceremony and you’ve lit that lantern for Rost. You’ve known every time you’ve told me you can’t believe we’ve survived, despite it all.”  


Talanah paused, chest heaving as her last words continued to echo faintly in the room for a moment or two, the silence that followed heavier than any weight she had ever felt, even as the pounding in her chest fought to throw it off. Her eyes locked with Aloy’s as the Carja took a slow, shuddering breath.  


“You’ve known… every time I’ve said I love you.”  


The redhead’s eyes squeezed closed, again, as a pained expression came over her features, her frame beginning to wrack with silent sobs even as Talanah noted how her hand had clenched into as tight of a fist as she could manage at her side.  


“And every time,” the raven-haired huntress continued, her voice remaining softer as she slowly approached the bedside, once again, “I wait… to hear you say it back.”  


She caught Aloy’s lips move, but no sound seemed to come from them, so she pressed closer, the redhead finally opening her eyes to find Talanah pausing a few feet from the bed, caught between wanting to step closer and wanting to pace away, again.  


“I do,” Aloy croaked, her voice almost rougher than it had been earlier.  


“Then why did you leave me?!”  


Talanah’s voice came out like a shriek as she approached the bed, falling onto her knees at the last moment beside it, her elbows slamming into the mattress to prop herself up as she leaned into the furniture for support.  


“How could… you leave me?”  


The redhead finally seemed to break, an audible sob escaping her as she shook her head.  


“I don’t know…”  


Talanah stared up at her for several moments longer before leaning her head forward, burying her face in the white sheets of the infirmary bed, the pitiful sounds somewhere between shrieks, sobs, and something much more strangled partially muted by the soft fabric. After several long moments, the Carja suddenly felt something touch her head and she froze, the sensation coming again as she was able to discern the feeling of fingers gently running across her hair.  


When she finally lifted her head, Aloy’s hand slid from her hair to her cheek, the redhead’s touch so uncharacteristically light and faint, but it was still enough to prompt a whimper from the Carja woman.  


“I d-don’t know… why… I did…” the redhead croaked, “but I won’t… again.”  


Talanah sighed, hanging her head slightly even as Aloy’s fingertips remained in contact with her face.  


“I want to believe you…”  


A moment later, the redhead’s fingers had slid underneath Talanah’s chin, lifting her head so she looked up at Aloy, once again. As she did, she found her leaning her head forward slightly, her other arm raised weakly toward her, as well. The Carja swallowed heavily, but pushed herself from her kneeling position beside the bed, carefully pulling the sheets back enough to allow herself to climb under them, as well.  


As soon as she did, she let herself fall into the redhead’s arms, wrapping her own around Aloy’s form as she squeezed her as tightly as she dared. Talanah quickly leaned her head beside Aloy’s, as well, burying her face in the mane of red hair splayed across the pillow, her cheek pressingly firmly against the side of her head, as well.  


Part of her still burned inside as it had moments ago, but the part that was quickly beginning to take over wanted to squeeze the weakened redhead before her to her chest and never let go, to let her douse the flames.  


Part of her wanted to scream and tell her why she was wrong for leaving her, but part of her knew she didn’t have to, and couldn’t bring herself to, anyway.  


Part of her wanted to throw the furniture in the room, destroy something—everything, perhaps—but the other just wanted to collapse.  


She had spent two full days angry and scared and lost and wondering—keeping herself awake with thoughts that assaulted her from all sides.  


All of her fears, all of the things that she had thought but never said aloud, all of the things she had wondered if she would ever get to say… all of them had threatened to consume her.  


To hollow her out and fill her with nothing but fire.  


To burn away the one feeling that she so desperately wanted to pull into her chest, now, as if she could extract it from the redhead before her.  


And maybe she could.  


She just needed to hear her say it.  


Not an apology.  


She had heard too many of those.  


Say _it_.  


She’d said it so many times, herself.  


She needed to hear _her_.  


So close that she swore she could feel her heartbeat reverberating in her own chest.  


She _needed_ …  


And there it was.  


So softly that she would have missed it if she weren’t so close.  


Repeated in a steady rhythm, like the one in her chest.  


Each time gaining value, rather than losing it.  


She could hear it a thousand times, and never get sick of it, though.  


Never tire.  


Never stop.  


Just listen to _it_.  


Listen to _her_ say it.  


“I love you.”


	3. Hold Us Together, Even if It Tears Me Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are, the final part of this side-story. Or, rather, between-story.
> 
> We all knew it was going to be rough.

Talanah paused outside the door to her apartment— _their_ apartment, a deep sigh wracking her before she carefully pushed the door open. As she did, she found the familiar sight of the redhead seated on the couch— _their_ couch—with a piece of something metallic in her hands, her hazel eyes focused intently on it. Even at the sound of the front door opening, she didn’t look away as she squinted at the hunk of metal in her hands, her tongue partially stuck between her lips to the left side of her mouth. The raven-haired Carja paused for a moment in the doorway, a small smile tugging at her lips.  


“Did you get them?”  


Talanah blinked, shaking her head quickly before holding up the bag in her left hand.  


“Yep.”  


Aloy lowered the device in her hand, finally turning to Talanah as a smile tugged at her lips.  


“You’re the best.”  


A warm feeling spread throughout the Carja woman’s chest as she lowered the bag in her hand and closed the door behind her. Aloy groaned softly, twisting her torso and stretching her shoulders tiredly before climbing off the couch, leaving whatever contraption she had been working on recently on the seat behind her.  


Talanah moved toward the kitchenette, only to be stopped by Aloy just before she reached it, the redhead sliding in front of her and placing a hand against her chest, staring into her eyes for a moment before placing a quick, but gentle, kiss against her lips.  


“Love you.”  


“You always say that when I come back with food,” Talanah replied, smirking.  


“I mean it more when you do,” the redhead smirked.  


“And other times?”  


Aloy rolled her eyes, placing a brief kiss against the tip of Talanah’s nose before also placing several on her cheek.  


“I always do,” she sighed. “I just like seeing you come through that door.”  


“Oh?”  


The redhead nodded, grinning before placing another kiss against the Carja’s lips, Talanah nearly dropping the bag in her left hand as she focused more on the sensation of Aloy before her than her own body. As the container began to fall, Aloy broke the kiss, quickly grabbing the bag before it fully fell to the ground.  


“Sorry, didn’t’ mean to distract you so much,” she smirked.  


“You still don’t realize you can?”  


The redhead blushed deeply as she shrugged.  


“I mean…”  


Talanah quickly wrapped her arms around the redhead before her, her hands clasping behind her lower back.  


“You’re selling yourself very short,” she whispered, smirking.  


“I mean… I don’t want to…”  


“Don’t want to what? Draw my attention?”  


Talanah smirked before placing a kiss on the redhead’s lips for a few brief moments before pulling back, prompting Aloy to let out the breath she had evidently been holding through her nose, rubbing her lips together for a moment, as well.  


“You know… I forgot what I was going to say…”  


Talanah rolled her eyes, which only prompted the redhead to laugh and place another kiss on her before the Carja finally released her, allowing Aloy to place the bag on the counter of their kitchenette, pouring the fruit from within onto the stone surface. She quickly grabbed one of the oranges from the group, beginning to peel the outer skin before inhaling its scent deeply.  


“Okay, so I don’t know how, but… these are better than—”  


She stopped suddenly, her posture tensing before she cleared her throat nervously.  


“Better than I’ve heard.”  


Talanah sighed, bracing her hands on her hips.  


“You mean better than you can remember, right?”  


The redhead shifted uncomfortably as the Carja woman shook her head.  


“Aloy…”  


“I know, I know,” the redhead sighed. “It just… feels weird when any of that crosses my mind, and… saying it aloud…”  


Talanah placed her hands on Aloy’s shoulders, staring her directly in her gold-green, hazel eyes.  


“And you know what I’ve said…”  


The redhead eventually sighed, nodding.  


“Doesn’t matter to you, but—”  


“ _But_ it doesn’t matter,” Talanah interrupted, raising her eyebrows. “No ‘buts.’”  


Aloy laughed softly, nodding.  


“Well, thank you for bringing some of these,” she continued, peeling more of the orange with a smirk.  


When they bad both peeled the outer layers of the fruit, Aloy led the way back to the couch, falling onto it beside her metal contraption as Talanah took a seat beside her. Almost immediately, Aloy turned and leaned her back against the Carja, popping a piece of orange into her mouth.  


“What’re you working on?” Talanah asked, tearing off a piece of her own fruit.  


“Well, based on information from APOLLO and…” the redhead trailed off for a moment, clearing her throat before continuing several moments later. “It’s called a toaster.”  


“What does it do?”  


“Make toast.”  


“What’s… what’s that?”  


The redhead laughed softly, popping another piece of fruit into her mouth.  


“Imagine,” she began, speaking around the piece of orange as she spoke, “a piece of bread… but cooked again, under high heat.”  


“So… burnt?”  


“No,” Aloy replied, shaking her head adamantly. “Between the two.”  


Talanah simply laughed, shaking her head slowly as she tore off a piece of her fruit, popping it into her mouth. The two of them fell into silence for several long moments before Aloy sighed, turning her head to try to look back toward Talanah as best she could.  


“How’s the Lodge?”  


The Carja laughed.  


“Same as usual,” she replied. “You know I don’t have much time for that, anymore.”  


“I know, but… you went out with Havan the other day, right?”  


Talanah paused for a moment, her lips pulling into a thin line as the realization of what Aloy was really asking about came over her.  


“It was a short hunt,” she shrugged. “Easy, and over and done with in a few hours.”  


“Yeah, but…”  


The redhead sighed, hanging her head slightly.  


“You’ll be completely back at it all, soon enough,” Talanah sighed, wrapping one arm around her middle and squeezing her gently.  


“I know, I know,” Aloy sighed. “GAIA said after six months of—of no signs, I should be fine, but…”  


A shiver wracked the redhead as Talanah frowned.  


“What’s wrong?”  


“Just… I don’t _feel_ the same… you know?” she replied softly. “When I’m not up at the Palace or feeling so tired I can’t leave bed, I’m… just sitting here… tinkering with things.”  


The Carja sighed heavily, leaning her head against the side of Aloy’s.  


“You have to give yourself time to get better.”  


“I have!” Aloy retorted. “Six fucking months!”  


Talanah recoiled slightly, only for the redhead to freeze, sighing dejectedly and leaning more of her weight into the Carja.  


“Sorry…” she mumbled.  


Talanah adjusted her grip around her, squeezing her more tightly as she leaned her chin on the redhead’s shoulder.  


“I get it,” she said softly. “Remember how we first met?”  


Aloy paused for a moment before nodding slowly.  


“Stuck in beds and hobbling around for a month or two?”  


The redhead laughed softly, nodding more convincingly.  


“Believe me, I get it.”  


Aloy finally sighed, turning to glance back toward Talanah.  


“You know, because I have been… just sitting around here, sleeping and not doing much, I… had an idea.”  


Talanah paused for a moment before swallowing the sudden lump in her throat.  


“Oh?”  


Aloy took a deep breath, adjusting her position on the couch so she had turned toward the Carja, prompting her to sit up straight, once again.  


“Yeah, I’ve been sitting around here and… yeah, I’ll get better eventually, but… we’re not going to get younger from here.”  


Talanah’s heart rate began to race as Aloy slowly took her hands in her own, holding them in the space between them.  


“If… we’re going to be… more around here and… not so much running around the world, chasing world-ending demons, or… rival nations, or… whatever… maybe… there’s something we could… devote our time to… _here_.”  


The Carja’s face was still contorted in confusion as her heart rate had refused to slow.  


“You… do you get what I’m saying?”  


Talanah slowly shook her head as Aloy let out a slow, shuddering sigh.  


“The thing that so many couples have…”  


The Carja felt like her heart was about to give out with how fast it was pounding, her eyes now slightly widened as she stared back at Aloy across from her. The redhead leaned forward slightly, squeezing Talanah’s hands gently.  


“The… thing I never had…”  


Finally, Talanah’s eyes widened as the pounding of her pulse instantly disappeared from her ears, leaving her in a still, silent moment as her gaze remained locked on the set of hazel ones across from her.  


“O-oh… _oh_ …”  


Aloy’s expression began to fall, turning to one of slight disappointment as Talanah swallowed heavily, adjusting her grip to squeeze the redhead’s hands, as well.  


“No, no, I… that wasn’t what I meant,” the Carja said quickly. “I… you just… this kind of came out of nowhere.”  


“Well, like I said,” the redhead sighed, her shoulders slumping even as Talanah attempted to squeeze her hands again reassuringly, “I had a lot of time to think lately, and…”  


“I know,” the Carja cut in, leaning forward slightly as Aloy lifted her gaze to her, once again, “so… you really want to… to try?”  


The redhead bit her lower lip for a moment before taking a deep breath and straightening her posture, nodding.  


“Yeah, I do.”  


Silence fell over the two of them for a moment before Talanah nodded, a grin tugging at her lips.  


“Okay, then.”  


Aloy’s eyebrows raised as the Carja continued to nod, her grin growing broader. Finally, the redhead laughed and released Talanah’s hands, throwing herself at the raven-haired woman and wrapping her in a tight embrace. Talanah jumped in surprise for a moment before returning it, noting how tightly the redhead’s arms wrapped around her. After several long moments, they finally released each other, each falling back into their seats on the couch.  


“So…” Talanah sighed, “I assume you’ve given thought to more than just whether we should do this or not…”  


“I… I have,” Aloy replied, the first hints of redness appearing along her cheekbones. “I… I want to do it.”  


The Carja raised one eyebrow as the redhead’s blush deepened.  


“You know… have… have the… child.”  


“You’re sure?” Talanah replied. “We were just talking about you getting back to normal and—”  


“And you said I’d be all better soon,” Aloy interjected, raising her eyebrows slightly. “I’m not saying we need to get started right now, but… when we’re ready.”  


“I know, but… I can always do it, too,” the Carja sighed. “Just… just want you to know.”  


Aloy grinned, nodding as she took hold of Talanah’s hands between them, once again.  


“I know, and… thanks,” she said softly. “I… I just feel like… _I_ have to—if it’s going to be one of us.”  


Talanah nodded, squeezing Aloy’s hand beneath hers gently.  


“For the first one, at least.”  


The Carja paused, eyes widening slightly.  


“ _First_ one?”  


Aloy smirked as Talanah rolled her eyes, prompting the redhead to laugh loudly.  


“Okay, okay, one thing at a time,” the Carja sighed, turning her gaze back to Aloy. “So… did you give any thought to the… how?”  


The redhead’s face turned an even darker red as her laughter quickly subsided, prompting Talanah to smirk, instead.  


“I… uh…”  


Suddenly, the women’s Focuses activated, prompting them both to jump in surprise.  


“My apologies,” GAIA’s voice suddenly chimed in their ears, “but I could not help but offer that I may have a solution.”  


“O-oh?” Talanah replied.  


“I have conducted research into data from both APOLLO and ELEUTHIA regarding processes from the Old World that allowed individuals to conceive children without direct sexual intercourse between—”  


“Okay, so,” Talanah interjected quickly, “how long ago did Aloy tell you?”  


The redhead’s face began to turn a deep red as a noticeable pause followed from the AI.  


“I am able to run tens of thousands of processes a second, so I simply—”  


“Aloy told you already.”  


“Aloy told me already.”  


Talanah shot an admonishing look at the redhead as she refused to meet her gaze, seemingly curling inward on herself slightly.  


“I’m sorry…” she mumbled.  


“It’s fine,” Talanah laughed, sliding closer to her and wrapping one arm behind her back. “I figured you needed someone to talk to while I was busy. I just… didn’t quite guess what you’d talk about, it seems.”  


The redhead shrugged slightly, but turned into her side, wrapping her arms around the Carja as Talanah gently rocked her slightly, leaning her cheek against the crown of Aloy’s head.  


“So, GAIA, about what you were saying…” she began.  


“Wait,” Aloy interjected, stirring in Talanah’s grip and prompting her to lift her head to glance down at her. “I… I know what she’s talking about and… I… I don’t know how I feel about it.”  


Confusion creased the Carja’s face as she felt her heart rate begin to accelerate.  


“Oh?”  


Aloy released her hold around Talanah so that she could sit up straight, meeting her gaze, once again.  


“I… I grew up feeling… being made to feel unnatural,” she said softly, “because I never knew my mother, and… no one would tell me.”  


“From what GAIA started to say, it still sounds like you would be,” Talanah replied.  


“Yes, but… I-I don’t want… want any child of mine to be… to have any part of them questioned as ‘unnatural’ or…”  


The redhead trailed off as a tight, heavy feeling appeared in the Carja’s chest. Aloy’s gaze had fallen to their laps, her head hanging slightly, prompting Talanah to gently place two fingers beneath her chin, lifting her gaze to meet hers, once again.  


“It’s okay,” she said softly. “I understand.”  


The redhead offered a small smile in return, but Talanah could clearly see the wateriness forming in her eyes, prompting her to lean forward and press a gentle kiss against her cheek, just below her left eye. As she began to pull away, Aloy instead pressed forward, stealing a kiss of her own against the Carja’s lips. When they pulled away, once again, the redhead’s expression had lifted to more of a genuine smile as Talanah mirrored it.  


“Thank you.”  


Soon after, the redhead quickly drove the conversation into more logistics regarding the situation, clearly having put more thought into it than even Talanah had realized at first. When the topic finally came back around to a question of “who” they would have to partner with to make all of it happen, a long pause followed.  


“Well… my first thought would have been… someone like Erend,” Aloy said, shifting uncomfortably as she folded her arms over her chest, frowning as she met Talanah’s raised eyebrow from across the counter in their kitchenette, “but… with the way things have… transpired…”  


The Carja’s lips pulled into a thin line as she nodded. Aloy sighed heavily, leaning her hip against the counter’s edge, her gaze unfocused as she stared down at a space between the two of them.  


“Could always ask Avad, I guess.”  


The redhead’s face turned the deepest scarlet Talanah had ever seen as the Carja began to laugh.  


“Sorry, sorry,” Talanah said quickly, “just… he’s a friend, you know… and there are… worse choices… probably…”  


“Something tells me ‘no’,” Aloy replied, still not meeting her gaze.  


“In debt to the court and all that, I get it,” the Carja said, smirking.  


Names continued to be thrown out and either discarded or met with a shrug and “could be” votes, although Aloy noticeably grew less embarrassed with each passing one. Finally, after another suggestion that both left them laughing and leaning against the counter, the redhead began to fall silent, staring vacantly at the floor in front of them.  


“What’s wrong?”  


Aloy blinked, quickly shaking her head as a shiver seemed to run through her.  


“Sorry, I… I just…”  


She sighed heavily, looking over at Talanah.  


“We’re laughing and taking all this like—like a game, but… it just hit me what we’re talking about and… and I know we just said we want to, but—is this _fair_ to you, or—?”  


“Aloy,” the Carja sighed, sliding closer to her and wrapping one arm behind her back, “I told you I understand why you want this to be the way that we’ve been discussing.”  


“I know, but… understanding and being okay with it are two very different things,” the redhead replied, turning to look over at her. “I’m sorry, I’ve thrown so much at you just now and—please, I—I want to know… how do you feel about all of it?”  


The raven-haired woman fell silent beside her for several long moments before finally sighing, rubbing her hand slowly across Aloy’s lower back for a moment.  


“I… it is a lot to suddenly talk about,” she finally said, “especially when you kind of surprised me with it.”  


The redhead began to frown even as Talanah continued to massage her back reassuringly.  


“I… I would love to have a child we could call ours. Like you said, so many others do and… I don’t think that we have to do that just because they do… but… the idea of having a little you running around is pretty great.”  


Silence fell over them, once again, as Talanah turned to look over at the redhead beside her, offering a small smile. Aloy attempted to return it, but it was unmistakably forced, prompting a heavy feeling to settle in the Carja’s chest.  


“We can… we can come back to this,” the redhead said softly. “I’m sorry, it is a lot and—”  


“Aloy—”  


“You’re right,” she interrupted, taking a deep breath before looking back up at the Carja, “it is a lot to ambush you with when I… when we never really even talked about it before, and…”  


Talanah opened her mouth to speak, but Aloy quickly stopped her by leaning in and placing a kiss against her, forcing the Carja’s words down her throat. A moment later, she pulled back, offering another small smile as she slid her arm behind Talanah, as well, squeezing her side gently.  


“We’ve got some time.”  


The rest of the afternoon, the evening, the next day, and the next four days passed with much less serious conversations and easier smiles, although something still seemed to hang in the air of their apartment, no matter how much laughter, how many jokes, how many times the words “home” and “family” were said, and how many smiles and kisses filled the space. Eventually, on the sixth day. Talanah decided that they had to get out of it, even for a little while, and so offered to take Aloy to one of her favorite pubs on the far side of Meridian.  


The redhead had protested for a few moments, until she caught sight of the outfit made of gold and teal Carja silks that Talanah had donned, a smirk set into her features.  


“Well, if I’m going to have such a lovely view…”  


As the redhead slipped into her own evening attire, dressed in blues and greens that offset the mane of fiery hair that cascaded over her shoulders, the top portion pulled into a braid that seemed to wrap around the back of her head while leaving the lower portion free to hang loose, Talanah couldn’t help but offer a similar sentiment. As Aloy stepped from their bedroom, pulling at the loose sleeves of her top slightly, the Carja quickly slid before her, bringing her to a stop.  


Talanah grinned as her eyes scanned the redhead over, once again, before she pressed a kiss into her lips, the Carja’s fingers instinctively finding their way into the loose portion of Aloy’s hair and running through it gently. A low sound from deep in Aloy’s throat prompted Talanah to pause for a moment, pulling away an inch or two with a smirk.  


“Is that going to be a problem?” she asked softly.  


“No… no problem at all.”  


The food and drink at the pub weren’t terrible, but Talanah knew the real reason Aloy loved it as much as she did was the view it offered. The back half of the building opened onto a balcony at the edge of the mesa, affording a view over the farmlands and rivers directly below them before they quickly faded into the canopy of the Jewel, which stretched all the way to the distant mountain ranges. That feeling that Talanah had been unable to shake in their apartment had nowhere to reside in the open air, leaving the two of them seemingly able to breathe even better, the heavy feeling in her chest finally seeming to melt away, as well.  


The wine and spirits didn’t hurt, either.  


Talanah grinned and listened as the conversation inevitably began to veer back toward that single word that Aloy had at first whispered so tentatively, but now repeated with more and more urgency. She watched as the redhead’s lips pulled back into a grin every time she started speaking, only to pause as she caught the Carja’s glance and trail off, attempting to shrug it off.  


“You’ve been quiet,” the redhead said, sipping at her drink and turning to face Talanah as she leaned against the banister beside her.  


“Just listening.”  


“Yeah? Got anything to say?”  


Talanah smirked, shrugging.  


“Not really. Just like hearing you excited.”  


Aloy grinned, shaking her head.  


“I’ve been talking about _us_ ,” she said. “You can have a few words in there, you know.”  


The Carja sighed, sipping at her drink, as well before twirling the clear liquor in her glass slowly.  


“You’re happy… I’m happy.”  


Finally, once they had made their way back to their apartment, their evening clothes seemed to melt away, as well, leaving the two of them entwined in their bed, neither seemingly able to distinguish where one ended and the other began. Talanah gave into the warmth, both the physical sensation and the one building in her chest, even as the world around her became a blur of colors, and finally the darkness of unconsciousness as she felt her eyes drift closed, arms wrapped tightly around the incredible source of it before her.  


Despite how she fell asleep, Talanah quickly began to feel a chill settling in, and along with it came the tight feeling in her chest, once again. The feeling ran across the back of her head and down her spine, sending a strong shiver through her as her hands instinctually tightened and relaxed repeatedly. Even with all of her efforts to focus on the warmth, again, she didn’t seem able to find it, and so the cold and the tightness began to quickly take hold of her.  


Along with them came thousands of racing thoughts, images, and voices.  


Some were her own, others felt foreign to her, even though they spoke in her voice.  


Finally, she found her eyes shooting open as her chest heaved.  


She was distinctly aware of the sensation of sweat coating her, but it felt cold and clammy, not like it should have felt, earned from the night she remembered. A moment later, she had disentangled herself from the mess of sheets and human skin before her, sliding to the edge of the bed and pulling herself to a seated position. As she bowed her head, she noted droplets of sweat falling from the tips of her hair, and she quickly ran her hands through it, feeling how wet it was to the touch.  


A shiver ran down her spine as she continued to wrap her arms around herself, trying to wick away the sensation of the cold wetness that covered her, but seemingly to no avail.  


Even if she could somehow remove every drop of sweat, it wouldn’t remove the feeling.  


“W’as wrong?”  


The groggy voice from behind her prompted Talanah to jump slightly, glancing over her shoulder to see half-closed hazel eyes staring back from a face contorted in concern. The Carja sighed, shaking her head as she ran her hands through her hair.  


“Tal…”  


“I… I can’t stop thinking,” she muttered.  


“About what?”  


The Carja sighed, quickly rising from the bed and moving around to the other side, kneeling on the floor before the redhead as she rolled onto her side to face her, the expression of concern even deeper.  


“About… about what we’ve been talking about,” Talanah said softly, "and... I think I... I have something to add... about us."  


“Tal, I said we have time…”  


“I know, but…” the Carja shivered, folding her arms over her chest and rubbing at her upper arms, again, before sighing and bowing her head. “I want you to go through with it—I really do.”  


Aloy remained silent as Talanah took another deep breath.  


“I… I want you to… I want _us_ to have what you wanted,” she said.  


“Tal, I didn’t… I didn’t want this to be something for _me_ …”  


“It won’t be,” she interjected quickly, reaching forward and laying one hand alongside the redhead’s cheek, brushing some of the matted, sweat-soaked hair aside. “That’s why I want you to do it.”  


Aloy sighed, raising one hand to gently lay it atop Talanah’s forearm.  


“Tal, just… let’s just sleep on it some more…”  


“No, I… I have… for a week and… I made my decision,” the Carja interrupted, running her thumb under the redhead’s right eye. “I want you to. I… want _us_ to.”  


Aloy still didn’t look convinced, so Talanah slid forward, pressing a kiss insistently against her lips. While the redhead accepted it for a few moments, she eventually pushed gently against the Carja’s chest, separating them, once again.  


“You can always change your mind tomorrow—or the next day,” she said softly.  


“I won’t.”  


The hazel eyes before her searched Talanah’s for several long moments before she nodded slowly.  


“You can also make the choice of who,” she said softly.  


“You’re a big part in that, too,” Talanah shot back.  


“I know, but… I think it’s only fair to you to have that option.”  


The Carja looked as if she wanted to argue for a moment, but Aloy’s hand quickly slid behind her, fingers threading into her inky mane of hair as she pulled her into another kiss. Whatever Talanah had been about to say was quickly lost as she found herself insistently pressing into the warmth against her lips. She had barely even registered a break in the moment before she found herself back on the bed, Aloy having slid backward to allow her room, before the warmth was wrapped about her, once again.  


The cold and the tightness that had held her so tightly moments ago quickly began to melt away, again, as she gave in to the feeling before her.  


She let it in, and it became all of her.

  


  


Talanah paused outside the door to her apartment— _their_ apartment—a deep sigh wracking her before she carefully pushed the door open. As she did, she found the familiar sight of the redhead seated on the couch— _their_ couch—but her gaze was unfocused, set somewhere just past her knees that were pulled so close to her chest. Even at the sound of the front door opening, she didn’t turn to look, her jaw set tightly. The raven-haired Carja paused for a moment in the doorway, a small frown tugging at her lips.  


“Did you hear?”  


Talanah blinked, shaking her head quickly as she stepped farther into the room, gently pushing the door closed behind her.  


“GAIA told me to come home right away. Another visit?”  


“She didn’t tell you why?”  


The Carja shook her head as a tight feeling began to build in her chest. She had come home to a scene almost like this roughly once a month for the past year, but… something felt different this time. Aloy’s gaze was… even less focused… the frustration that she had usually seen so plainly etched into her face now replaced with… an impenetrable mask that seemed drained of all color.  


Something much heavier than disappointment hung in the air.  


Her gaze happened to fall to the floor between the two of them to find that it was coated in pieces of metal and mechanical workings, along with what appeared to be more than a few shards of glass.  


“I saw her today, yeah,” the redhead began slowly, bringing Talanah’s attention up to her as she gingerly began to make her way across the field of destruction.  


“Oh?”  


Aloy nodded equally as slowly, her gaze still fixed in the unfocused, blank stare above her knees.  


“We’ve been trying, for a while,” she began again, “almost a year, right?”  


Talanah nodded, pausing halfway to the couch as a sinking feeling tugged at her stomach.  


“That’s… I know every—month or so—it seems like we’ve just confirmed it was nothing and start again, and GAIA’s said that’s not unheard of, but… something didn’t _feel_ right.”  


The Carja remained still and silent as she stared down at Aloy, her heart hammering in her ears.  


“Guess I was right.”  


Several long moments followed before Aloy spoke again, her voice so quiet that it was almost a breath.  


“Guess all of that was for fucking nothing.”  


Talanah began to approach the couch, once again, the sounds of several shards of broken glass crunching under her boots.  


“Aloy… what happened this time?”  


“GAIA Prime happened!”  


The Carja startled at the sudden volume of her voice as the redhead finally turned to look at her, the intensity in her eyes one that Talanah had not felt directed at her before, prompting her heart to seemingly come to a stop for several moments.  


“GAIA told me—confirmed it,” Aloy croaked, her voice softer, once again. “I lived, but… there’s no chance I will ever be able to actually have a child—the way I wanted.”  


The Carja’s heart made itself painfully aware as she felt the deep, heavy throbs push at the inside of her chest, her mouth falling open as she staggered in place slightly.  


“Aloy…”  


“So like I said… guess all that was for fucking nothing.”  


Talanah quickly pressed forward, sliding onto the couch beside her, but she noted how Aloy seemed to pull more tightly inward on herself, her eyes glancing toward how close the Carja was to her before turning back to her knees.  


“I… b-by the Sun, Aloy, I…”  


As Talanah reached to place one hand on the redhead’s back, she shivered and twisted away, prompting the Carja to quickly pull it back in surprise.  


“Aloy…”  


The redhead remained silent, not meeting her gaze, even as Talanah carefully reached toward her shoulder. As soon as her hand came into contact with Aloy, the redhead tried to shrug her off, but the Carja persisted. Aloy began to fight more and more to seemingly get away from her, until Talanah attempted to wrap her in an embrace. Suddenly, two hands appeared on the Carja’s shoulders and she felt herself shoved backward with a good amount of force, catching her by surprise and sending her sprawling across the far side of the couch.  


Her eyes widened in surprise but she managed to catch herself before she could fall onto the field of debris on the floor beside her. When she pulled herself back to a sitting position, she found that Aloy had wrapped her arms tightly around her legs, once again, burying her face in her knees.  


“A-Aloy…?”  


The redhead remained still and silent for several long moments, with each passing one only deepening the intensely hollow feeling in Talanah’s chest. Every part of her wanted to press forward, to wrap Aloy tightly in her arms and refuse to release her, but… those hands a moment ago told her that was not what she wanted.  


That she wouldn’t have that chance.  


The Carja felt the corners of her eyes begin to sting as a watery feeling built in them, but still she forced herself to remain where she was on the couch. Finally, as the tears began to spill onto her cheeks, she found her legs lifting her from her seat, trudging across the wreckage to a chorus of cracks and crunches, before her hands lifted the latch to the front door, pulling it open. As she slipped through the opening, she found herself glancing back, only to see the dark shape curled in the corner of their couch, unmoving and silent.  


It was the last thing she saw before the door swung closed before her, once again.  


The Carja woman wandered aimlessly through the city streets as she tried not to think about the feeling of those hands, the ones that had so often pulled her in and held her close, suddenly shoving her away, holding her away no matter how close she tried to maneuver.  


In the end, she guessed, it hadn’t been so metaphorical.  


Eventually, she found herself coming to a stop against a stone banister on one of the many walkways at the edge of the mesa, her hands raising to grip the surface as she still felt herself collapse against, it anyway.  


How many times had she come to a spot just like this in the past year?  


How many times had she felt similar thoughts pressing at the inside of her skull?  


How many times had she decided to quiet them with a trip to her favorite hiding spot?  


How many times had the barkeeps tried to voice their concern, there?  


Talanah squirmed uncomfortably at the thought as she fought at the nagging feeling in the back of her mind, the one that begged her to repeat the process, yet again.  


No, she would weather this one out on her own.  


Immediately, the realization that this idea would be much more difficult hit her as, in its wake, endless images of Havan and Aloy flooded her mind and she squeezed her eyes shut tightly, but it didn’t help. Of course she knew why she had left the apartment those times, and they had always said it was “for utility”, but…  


Talanah’s arms folded on the banister before her as she leaned forward, groaning softly as she realized she couldn’t banish the thought of one of her oldest friends from the Hunter’s Lodge and her wife in the same bed.  


Utility or not, she had been there, and she was always here.  


“ _Did she enjoy it?_ ”  


“ _Was there more to it,_ really _, than utility?_ ”  


“ _Was there a reason she hadn’t put up much of an argument at the suggestion?_ ”  


The Carja hung her head, shaking it slowly as she felt her hands clenching into fists.  


No, the answer to all of those was no.  


“ _But you’re not the one who can truly answer them._ ”  


Talanah took a deep breath in through her nose, exhaling slowly through her mouth as she lifted her head, opening her eyes to stare out at the desert hundreds of yards below her, lit primarily by the dark blues of the impending night, even while the sky still burned brightly with pink and orange.  


“ _Maybe it’s good things didn’t work out._ ”  


Instantly, she felt herself tensing, once again, before the voice in the back of her mind suddenly seemed to take hold of her hands, slowly forcing her fingers apart.  


“ _It wouldn’t have really been_ ours _, would it?_ ”  


Talanah’s jaw worked tensely as she suddenly found herself unable to tell if she truly wanted to fight these particular thoughts. On one hand, they did provide her with… something almost like relief.  


On the other…  


“ _It was what she wanted._ ”  


The Carja sighed, heavily, once again, stretching her fingers tensely before pushing herself away from the banister and pacing several steps away.  


“ _You encouraged her. If it’s what she wanted… and what you told her to do… it has to be right… right?_ ”  


After several moments of pacing, she came to a stop, her eyes fixed in an unfocused gaze on the softly glowing lights of the city street ahead of her. Soon, her vision began to blur even further, and she quickly realized that she could feel the first hints of wateriness coating her eyes, catching on her eyelashes. Suddenly, she swung her fist at the empty air to her left, letting out a sound halfway between a sob and a cry of rage.  


Immediately, the thoughts that that had threatened to spread from the back of her mind, spreading like some kind of virus, came to a halt as an even more powerful feeling overcame her.  


Guilt.  


“How _could I think any of that?_ ”  


“How _could I let all of this become about me?_ ”  


“How _could I think so… poorly, of her?_ ”  


The answer was easy, but it didn’t provide her any sense of relief.  


Selfishness.  


All of it had been, and a part of her had known all along.  


The part that had almost won.  


“No…” she growled under her breath, staring up at the last hints of the sunset in the sky before her as her chest heaved. “This isn’t about me… it can’t be.”  


With that, she finally whirled on her heel, stalking off back into the surprisingly crowded streets of the city. Before long, she had broken into a run, slipping between crowds of drunk parties and those soon to be, before she finally skidded to a stop before the door to the apartment.  


_Their_ apartment.  


With a deep breath, she quietly opened the door, peeking her head inside, only to find the space dark and silent. The Carja carefully slid through the narrow opening, closing the door just as softly behind her. When her eyes finally adjusted to the space, she noted the dark shape on the couch, in the same place she had left her earlier.  


Now, though, she wasn’t moving.  


Talanah studied the shape for several long moments until she was able to discern the tell-tale rise and fall of her back that told her the redhead was still breathing, at least. Letting out a silent sigh of relief, she carefully slipped off her boots, gently placing them on the floor beside the door before sliding across the wood floor for a step or two, only to pause.  


Her jaw worked tensely as she stared at the evidently sleeping form of Aloy for several moments, the thought that she should just let her have her space, like she had so clearly wanted, passed through her mind. Finally, she was at least able to convince herself to move closer to check on her. Even if she didn’t want her at her side that night, she could at least make sure she was cared for, rather than simply left alone on a couch in her own apartment.  


Talanah carefully pulled a knit blanket off the back of a chair to the side of the couch before approaching the sleeping form of her wife. Gently, she spread the blanket over the redhead’s shoulders, taking care to wrap it around her without applying enough pressure to alert her of her presence. Once she was satisfied that she was sufficiently covered, the Carja began to slip away, only to pause when she caught sight of the pale skin of the redhead’s hands resting atop her knees. The soft hints of the alabaster color on the palm that was just visible to her was interrupted by dark lines that she hadn’t noticed before.  


The Carja carefully stepped forward, leaning closer to try to see what the lines were made of, but it was impossible to tell in the near-total darkness of the apartment. Finally, she took a deep breath and carefully reached toward the redhead, running her thumb gently over one of the marks, only to feel the unmistakable texture of a dried liquid under her finger.  


Dried blood.  


Panic quickly settled over Talanah as her fingers shakily sought out the redhead’s wrists, but the drying cuts seemed confined to her hands, themselves, mainly.  


They weren’t intentional.  


Just side effects of an angry rampage.  


As Talanah’s fingers slowly pulled away from her, an intensely hollow feeling filled her chest, pressing out the inside of her ribs. Finally, she gave in to it, and collapsed onto the couch, no longer caring to remain quiet or gentle to not disturb Aloy as she quickly wrapped her arms around her form, trapping her in a tight embrace as she pressed her face into the redhead’s back.  


Almost immediately, the still form under her grip began to shift, seemingly pushing against her for a moment, but the Carja held tight, refusing to remove her face from the back of the blanket and the subtle warmth from beneath it, the fabric absorbing the trails of hot water from her eyes almost as soon as they leaked free.  


“What…?” Aloy muttered groggily, still attempting to shift under Talanah’s grip.  


“I’m sorry,” the Carja breathed, only tightening her grip further.  


The redhead tried to stir for several moments longer before finally falling still, all while Talanah repeated that single, simple phrase.  


“I’m sorry.”  


Finally, after Aloy had fallen still for several long moments, the Carja’s words trailed off, but she refused to relax her grip. Finally, the redhead cleared her throat, the sound echoing through her chest and across Talanah’s skull as her face remained pressed tightly against her back.  


“Why?” the redhead finally managed.  


“For… for everything I… you wanted, but…”  


“S’not your fault…”  


“No, it… I…”  


Talanah adjusted her grip slightly, but refused to relent as she shook her head slightly.  


“I’m sorry.”  


Aloy didn’t press further, but didn’t move to shift under the Carja’s grip, whether because she was unable or unwilling, Talanah couldn’t tell.  


“I know this was something… you wanted… _so_ badly… that we talked about for—for months and… and I’m so sorry, and I’ll—I’ll forever be sorry.”  


Finally, Aloy sighed, and Talanah felt one of her hands come to rest on her forearm, the traces of the dried blood against her skin immediately sending shivers down her spine.  


“You have nothing to be sorry for,” the redhead said softly. “I’m the one who’s caused all the problems. I… I got my hopes up… over and over and… I… you seemed so happy, too and… now I… I can’t give you that.”  


“You can still make me happy.”  


“I… I put you through… _knowing_ that… about… _trying_ …”  


“I don’t care.”  


“Talanah, I’ve _taken_ so much from you!” Aloy said, attempting to shift under the Carja’s grip, once again, but she still refused to relent. “I’m… I’m sorry that just by me being _here_ has done that.”  


“I’d rather have you here than anything else,” Talanah retorted, shaking her head slightly against the redhead’s back. “I haven’t wanted anything more badly in my life.”  


“You had an easy out…”  


“And I didn’t _fucking_ take it,” Talanah snapped, burying her face even more aggressively into the redhead for a moment before pulling back just enough to speak, again. “I couldn’t. I was angry at you then, but not enough to wish you were dead. Ever since then, ever since I felt like I could actually _feel_ you slipping away… I’ve held on with every last ounce of strength I have. It would be easier to just… let go, but… I never said that it had to be easy, and that I wouldn’t—stop—trying.”  


A heavy silence fell over the two of them for several long moments before Talanah felt Aloy begin to shift under her grip, yet again. This time, she relented just enough that the redhead was able to turn in her seat, facing the Carja. Talanah waited for the feeling of her hands on her shoulders, again, pushing her backward, or for her to simply slip from her grasp, but instead, she felt a pair of shaking hands slide across her back.  


A moment later, a feeling of warmth pressed against her as she felt Aloy’s cheek come to rest against the side of her neck, her face burying itself in Talanah’s shoulder. The Carja adjusted her grip, allowing the redhead to move even closer, until she felt the warmth entangled about her.  


This time, it didn’t quite melt away the feeling in the Carja’s chest, but it constricted the hollow feeling, pushing it down until it was a single, impenetrable stone inside her chest. She could breathe again, but each exhale felt like it was tainted by it, by all of the pieces that had somehow slipped free and remained floating on their own.  


She wanted so badly to pull that warmth into her, to feel it fill her again, but a part of her knew.  


It felt like it had always known.  


She had been so focused on pulling it inside herself that she hadn’t thought about what that meant.  


There was always going to be two sides to it.  


The warmth and the cold.  


But she’d take them both.  


She’d take it all.  


She let it in, and it took everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we have it.
> 
> The last line is stolen from one of my favorite songs, off one of my favorite albums that just came out this year. It's dark and it's beautiful and it just seemed fitting.
> 
> Check out [I Let It In And It Took Everything](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CB02OI9W6Yk).


End file.
